The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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