She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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