Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
