at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
