Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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