she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
