If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
