i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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