i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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