Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was born a porn star she said
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
