So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
