Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
