told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
is that a dick in a sweater?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize