I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
