I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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