Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
