dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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