clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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