Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
