ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
