Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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