they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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