I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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