Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
