I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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