All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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