We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
