alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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