dude i'm inner monologue high
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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