How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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