Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?