help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.