Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.