I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex