What did we do last night that was yellow?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.