chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?