if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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