So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
