Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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