Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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