walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
