Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
