it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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