Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize