it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
