You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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