dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
