The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
