my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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