If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
