So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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