My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
