at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
