So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
