Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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