I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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