And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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