i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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