does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
