I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
