I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
