jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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