legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
