i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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