I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
