I love black thongs
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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