Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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