Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
