and you said cock pushups were impossible
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Barsexuality is the new black.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
