I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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