fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
