I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
